Let’s face it: setbacks are a part of life. And they are a part of birth. Having been a birth worker for almost a decade, I cannot remember a single birth where there wasn’t something to work through, overcome, let go of, work around, or regroup from. And that is ok! Many childbirth experiences can include setbacks and yet still lead to a healthy baby, resilient parents and even a natural, physiological birth.
Setbacks can come in many shapes and forms. It could be a vaginal exam with a new practitioner that was particularly painful, or a mother-in-law somehow finding her way into your sacred labor space. Often, it is simply a feeling of being swept over by contractions in a way that is scary or terrifying.
If you or your partner are preparing for childbirth, and wondering what happens if you “lose your mind” during a contraction, or simply “fall off the wave” with your breathing, this is for you.
Unfortunately a single really rough contraction, or rough patch of labor, can leave a mom feeling like she is “slipping up” or “failing”. Panicking in labor and forgetting to breath and release,can leave one feeling vulnerable and out of control.
Instead of falling down the rabbit hole of “I can’t do this!” follow these steps to getting back on track. If you are a birth partner, you can help out in this process.
–Don’t Blame Yourself. Let it goooo….. Studies show that forgiving oneself for perceived mistakes instead of fixating on them, you are less likely to repeat the error next time. Acknowledge what didn’t work well for you, and move on. After all, its not all or nothing, and you have many more times to practice getting it right!
–Remember your “why”. Remind yourself why you are laboring naturally, attempting a vaginal birth, etc. What does this experience bring you and your baby, and even your partner, that you would miss out on otherwise? What are the rewards you are working hard for?
-Restart as soon as possible. Did you slip up on this contraction, thinking about how long it was taking, and how much you hated it, rather than focusing on breathing and releasing your resistance? So, no big deal. Soak up all the goodness of the quiet before the next contraction. Let yourself be at peace… then…Get back up on the next wave and ride it! Commit to being completely focused on the here and now. Say yes only to internal dialogue that will HELP and commit to completely relaxing after the contraction ends. Although the first step back on the track can be intimidating, each successive attempt will be easier and you will quickly feel the boost of energy and confidence, that comes from feeling like you are surfing not getting tossed in the surf.
-Look for the root cause of the slip. Did you slip up on your breathing because you were distracted by inner dialogue? Did you forget to relax and restore between previous contractions and now feel exhausted? If you continually are missing your goal of riding the contraction’wave’, don’t interpret it as a sign of weakness; you may simply need to modify a habit or get in the bathtub or shower. Seriously. Water is a game-changer! The key is not to give up or blame yourself but to keep manipulating these tools until you find what works.
Do a back-on-track kick start. Identify small ways that you can symbolically get back on track, right now: pull out the necklace your friends made for you at your Baby Blessing and put it on, Eye gaze with your partner and tell him/her you need encouragement, take a walk outside, play your favorite song ever, the one that always makes you feel powerful and brave. Eat chocolate. Remember your birth Mantra and start saying it.
Water imagery is often used when speaking of birth, and I tend to picture the ebb and flow of tides and crashing of waves as I deep breath along with clients. Labor does have its ebbs and flows and if we can meet each of these aspect with equal mindfulness, we can find ourselves riding the waves, and able to bounce back from our difficulties.