The bulk of my midwifery training occurred at Maternidad La Luz, a small yet busy birth clinic in Mexican American border city of El Paso, Texas. I chose Maternidad La Luz as my place of learning, as I believed deeply in their mission to support women, all women, in having safe, supported, family centered births. Many of our clients spoke Spanish, were of lower income, and many lived in the daily violence of Juarez, Mexico.
For so many of our clients, birthing at our birth center was a way to ensure that their new baby would have a path to a better life; a way to leave the drug war-zone that claimed so many of their friends and relatives. The mothers and fathers, and grandmas and grandpas I met, and all they overcame to “bring their child to light” in a safe environment, still awes and humbles me.
Our mothers, our babies, our fathers and whole families are so precious! I say OUR, as I believe with all my heart, that although we may forget at times, humans are all of one family. We are all in THIS-this world, this lifetime-together. The injustice or joy, the violence or peace felt or expressed by one does ripple out, having the potential to heal or hurt. When I think about birth, I notice the incredible potential that lies in each newborn child and also in the hands and hearts that first receive him or her.
Although birth is only a moment in a series of moments of the growing child and becoming parents, I believe it is a foundational one. Mothers and babies around the world do well when they are surrounded with love and peace.
Recognizing the tenderness, the openness, the complete opportunity to provide a peaceful loving beginning for our smallest, newest, most vulnerable and powerful beings, many parents are looking for alternative ways to birth, both at hospital and home. Finding the right fit for the parents and child is a process. I would say, based on my experience, THERE IS NO “RIGHT WAY”.
A favorite quote of mine by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, is: “Wisdom is what works”. And when I think of “works”, I am asking: What conditions will support this particular mama in her journey? Giving birth is life changing, and so different from the ordinary, daily experiences we are familiar with. Giving birth can feel otherworldly and yet surprisingly, or even shockingly, primal. I wish for the mother to find what works for her; what feels good, a place where she can rest and ease into the experience, knowing she has all she needs to safely navigate this new territory.
Sometimes, this place of ease, of comfort and empowerment may look different than we or anyone else expected. For some, the idea of a hospital birth sounds reassuring yet the experience isn’t at all what was expected. For others, the idea of a homebirth is wonderful, but uncertainty about being outside a hospital can appear during labor. Sometimes, unexpected things come up and plans need to be changed suddenly, so that mothers and their babies can get some extra care.
Although I am midwife, a daughter of the homebirth movement, I gave birth to my son in the hospital due to prematurity. My decision to birth in the hospital was hard and disappointing. I was scared. And yet, I knew that my son, coming 35.5 weeks, was at risk for breathing difficulties and that there may have been an abnormal cause for his sudden approach. He was more likely than most to need care we couldn’t give him at home. For me in that moment, the hospital became the best place for me to birth my son.
Despite my fears, and preference for a homebirth, I had an amazing, empowering natural birth experience at the hospital. Although I was disappointed not to catch my baby in my own hands, or have the water birth I hoped for, although I felt loss when my son was taken for a bit after birth when one of his lungs didn’t open as expected, although I wished for the quietude and joy of my home for this amazing important experience-the experience was regardless SACRED, HEALING, EMPOWERING, TEACHING AND JOYFUL. This experience taught me from the inside out, to look below the rough waters, to see and be and birth from a place of power, love and self knowing under any circumstances.
Looking back at my birth, I would say what made it good were: privacy, having the lights dimmed, drinking lots of water, feeling informed, massage, knowing my baby was doing well, my husband making it from out of town in the nick of time, having space to move and make noises as I wanted, feeling like I had choices and feeling confident saying both yes and no, claiming my birth as my own, having my homebirth midwife by my side, guiding and supporting me in the doula role. Her hand holding mine, in quiet, confident solidarity, as I did the work that only I could do: that was what I needed.
My life experiences and understandings have brought me to where I am today. As my son grows older and I can return to the world of birthwork, I am finding my calling altered. I am asking: What do I love about birth? How can I do my part to help families have the best new beginning they can? What are the obstacles that families face in getting the care, information and knowledge they need to feel confident and open at this crucial time? If peace begins at birth, how can I help increase peace at birth for the most families?
I find that rather than practicing homebirth midwifery, I wish to serve women as a doula, at home, at hospital, and at birth centers. I am interested in supporting women who do and do not have drug-free births, who do and do not have complications, who are excited about giving birth or who feel scared or ambivalent (this is quite common, although too rarely acknowledged). I believe the services of the doula are so valuable, that I would like every woman to have one, regardless of her financial situation. I am at the very beginning of the creation of a grant, donor and volunteer supported non-profit Doula Service, providing labor and postpartum support to women, babies and their families in need in our region.
I invite you to call me if you are interested in meeting me and learning how I can serve you as your doula or if you are interested in joining with me to create supportive networks for other mothers and their families.
In Gratitude,
Tara Daystar, CPM